Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Looking for "affirmation" in all the wrong places...

Affirmation. Everybody wants to know they have what it takes. We want to know we are special and that we belong. That's why we like to get pats-on-the-back and pay raises, etc. Affirmation must be instilled by a father to his young child. If the young child doesn't get any or enough, they'll seek for it elsewhere. I'm the perfect example. I'm 35 years old and I'm still seeking it, only now do I realize I've been looking at the wrong things and seeking the wrong people to get it from. Let me take you back to when I was 16. My first car was a 1978 Pinto. Oh yes...my step dad even put a new paint job on it-silver with a black stripe! After driving it for awhile I graduated to a 1986 Ford Ranger. It was a base model, but hey, at least it wasn't a Pinto! Then one day I decided to get into stereo equipment, after all, my friends we're competing against one another so I might as well join in. Here we go...seeking affirmation. I wasn't satisfied with something simple. It had to be the best and if your stereo was louder, or had more bass than mine, I would make sure it wasn't very long. I went and bought two, fifteen inch dual voice coil Orion subs and two twelve inch. I filled my doors with midranges and tweeters. I used a Clarion receiver because my Sony would shut off the bass hit so hard. Hi-Fonic amps were cased behind my bucket seats. I had a convertible top on my truck so people could hear me for a long time. I remember going into a neighborhood to a friends house and people would come from all over "to see who was boomin'." That's right. It was me. The king of boom! And I have a trophy to proof it.

That's not the only trophy I have. I was a sponsored skateboarder when I was fifteen. I won first place at a contest held in Memphis, TN. I'm looking at the trophy now. It says, "Millington Invasion, March 11, 1989, put on by Mother Skates." As you can guess, I wanted to be the best skater around and I proved that I was pretty good for my time! The praise I got from that was like no other. The paper came and did several interviews. I'm talking big articles, not your little caption under the picture. People read my articles and called me from different towns. I was getting to be famous! I loved all that attention, that is, until I went to Wal-Mart and met my first wife (see yesterday's blog). She gave me affirmation and after falling off the top of a twelve feet tall half pipe, skating lost it's flavor. However, twelve years later, I started skating again. And of course, I got so much attention, especially from the teenagers. Here was this "old man", as they called me, doing all these cool tricks. I loved the praise, the attention, the pats-on-the-back. But it all came to a screeching halt a few months ago because of a back injury. Where have they gone? Now that the skateboard has been tossed in the garage, where are they now? Now that we no longer set the ramps up on a weekly basis...where are the praises? the affirmation? It is gone. Sure, a few kids come around every now and then or they'll text me on the cell phone, but man, it is really silent out here. It's so quiet. Silence is something I'm not used to. I have got to have noise. My wife says it's because I'm running and I need the noise. Maybe she is right. That's why, like I said the other day in my blog, I have to face my wound. I must allow Jesus to take full control. I must quit being a "poser" and allow God to have full reign. More tomorrow. Peace. Randy 1 Kings 19:11-13 Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the LORD.” And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; 12 and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice. 13 So it was, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. Suddenly a voice came to him, and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

No comments: